please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
