im drinking this country out of the recession.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
