youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
