I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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