I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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