She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
