The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize