His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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