It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
