this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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