Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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