dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
