if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
