Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize