i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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