Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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