btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize