at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
