Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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