I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
