you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Someone signed my nipple.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
