he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize