I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
