I'm drive I can fine osifer
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
there is glitter all over my balls
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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