Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize