Umm I'm too high to move.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
