I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
