yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
