Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize