Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize