You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
