got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
