I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize