his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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