It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
