hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
