Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
