sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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