My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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