she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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