i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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