He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
