Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
