I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
