In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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