He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
