i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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