I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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