if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
