When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
