I wish I only lived at night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
