in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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