so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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