I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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