I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
