I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
