She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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