i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
