Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
