Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
