it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
