her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
