I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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