3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
