when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
