i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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