i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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